The Five W's & Ponderings

Why?
- Do I allow myself to get in my head about silly things?
- Do I over think things a bit more than one should?
- Do I allow panic attacks when I know everything will work out?

Who?
- Can be counted on in times of need or hardship?
- Is really the boss of my life?
- Says that people aren't capable of being happy?

What?
- Is it that keeps me from my dreams?
- Is it that keeps me from going insane?
- Will keep my mind at ease and things at bay?

Where?
- Do I suppose I'll be in five years?
- Do my silly head thoughts come from?
- Is it that my head goes, when I'm away?

When?
- Will people learn to let go of the past and just learn from it?
- Will people allow others to live without judging them?
- Will things begin to make sense and stay that way?

Most, if not all of these, I should have the answers to. Some I know for sure of the answer, while others linger a bit in mocking tones. Some of the answers should even be quite obvious and I am sure that we have all asked ourselves these at least once in our lives. However, do we ever have a definite answer to any of them? Are all the answers subject to change? And if so, why do we worry about the questions so much? Sometimes it seems like it is just question after question. I imagine a little stick figure drowning in a sea of question marks at times, because at times that is how I feel. Just this little insignificant being with none of the answers. With no help for no one, not even myself.

I use to ponder on the meaning of life and what the world  or even the universe may have in store, but now I try to just stay focused on one day at a time. However, sometimes in this place it is difficult to live that way, focused on one day at a time. It can seem so overwhelming here, exhausting, and like I may never be good enough. When my head reaches that point, it sort of begins to spiral down and further down, until beyond rock bottom. It is very difficult to stay afloat in a boat with several holes in the bottom of it.

I am, by no means complaining. I have been pretty lucky, especially as of late. As much as I dislike using this next phrase, I have been blessed these past several weeks on a few things and one is of higher importance then some. Sometimes, I often wonder if the fact that I am a lover and not a fighter has anything to do with how things might effect me...and life...and so on. It seems like the lovers of this world tend to also be the thinkers; which is sort of strange to me, I would think that the lovers would lean more towards feeling and less thinking. Who knows, maybe we are all loosing our ability to truly feel and perhaps that's why we always over think things.

Or... Perhaps I am just tired. I wonder why life can't be good in all areas at the same time? For me, I find that if life is great and seemingly perfect in one area of my life, it's not so much in most other areas. Maybe it's a universal balance thing.

What's even more strange to me at the moment is that normally I would reread this and think that I wasn't in a very good space, but not tonight. Tonight, when reading this over, I'm...well, I'm not worried, nor am I thinking I'm in a bad space. I kind of feel very impartial to it all. I wonder what that says about me?

,___,
{O.o} "Whhoo-Whhoo, What-what?"
/)__) Sincerely,
-"--"- Ashley Lynn