Long Hot Week - Long Frustrating Day

Warning - Rant ahead:

I'm tired of feeling like people (not all just two or three) are trying to subjugate and ridicule me. I feel like I'm just one of those stupid mindless drones sometimes. Like it's not okay to ask questions or I should know everything. (she says with a heavy worn out sigh and roll of her eyes). Some people I am around tend to do this thing where they always have to be right and come up with the solution to a problem on their own. It simply drives me insane and if I ask why something isn't working or suggest ways of fixing it, nope not going to work they say....and immediately throw me a look and a reason as to why, plus a dose of making me feel inferior and slightly undermined. Well, then it gets worse by them making me feel guilty for the way I feel. I sort of feel like my skin is screaming at the moment. It doesn't help that it's been a long and tiring week. And it's hotter than Hades out! Plus, I already feel bad for being frustrated because they do help when their not being full of themselves and there is that benefit of the doubt thing I do, maybe they're acting that way because they're just as tired and hot and so on. The crazier thing to me is that we are in encultured to ask questions and be inquisitive, but then crap like this happens; which then shuts most of us down and we begin to loose that child like curiosity. It just frustrates me to no end.

A big thank you goes out to the ones who listen (especially you ;-) ) and are there without the glares, sighs, rolls of their eyes and ridicule. Thanks goes out for the advice and support. I don't know where I'd be without. Well, I do, but I don't like to think of that.

Oh gosh dang it! I have homework to do! Uhhgggg! I dislike summer, it's too hot and uncomfortable, not a good time to cuddle up with loved ones. Can't wait for Autumn, hello rain and cool air and beautiful vibrant colors. Let's end on a happy thought, shall we?

,___,
{O.o} "Whhoo-Whhoo, What-what?"
/)__) Sincerely,
-"--"- Ashley Lynn

Weekend & First Day of Term

Oh my goodness what a crazy, fun and tiring past few days. I had so much fun on Saturday. I had lunch with a dear friend of mine, then we went over to a mutual friend's place and had pizza, watched Street Fighter with some pretty epic commentary, and played a pretty amazing game (which, I am sad to say I cannot remember the name of it for the life of me). We each had these cards that had a different bean of them and our goal was to plant and harvest for gold. The one with the most gold at the end of the game, wins. We are only allowed five cards at the beginning of the game, and then we have to deal, shuffle, barter and trade in order to obtain the goal. That is in it's simplest form of an explanation. It's a great game, take my word for it....there are even expansions for the game where you try to take over land. Afterwards, we hung out and shared stories. I was up until 4am, I think. It was wonderful, and I adored the company.

On Sunday, I enjoyed a delightful breakfast and french pressed coffee with that same dear friend of mine and went to go see a movie matinée of Brave. It was awesome, I loved every minute of it. I now have a new favorite short film too that they showed before the film called La Luna. It was simply delightful.

And today, well today was the beginning of Summer term. Bleh, was it ever hot! Work at the library was super busy, I was on my feet running back and forth most of the time. Classes went well, actually I only had one class today, but it still went well. It was a Core & Cardio class that was fun and intense. I checked in with my online Library Science class today and took care of my introduction to the class and teacher, did some chores for the house that I am currently house sitting and now, here I am.

Tomorrow should be fun. It's the day that I have my Ceramics I class. From 5:30pm-9:20pm. Late, long and should be worth while. Well, I am off to relax, rest my heels and get ready for another day. I find it easier to be ready for the next day before it hits you. :-)    

P.S. the games are called Bohnanza and Bohnaparte


,___,
{O.o} "Whhoo-Whhoo, What-what?"
/)__) Sincerely,
-"--"- Ashley Lynn

"Strange Things Are Afoot at the Circle K"

I can't say for sure if strange things are afoot at the Circle K, but I can say strange things are afoot in my own head. Times, they are rough...for everyone, including me. One of the things that I thought was good in my life, sort of took a turn for the...well, the weird, strange and unexplainable that could turn bad. The thing is, I've found myself in this situation before and I very much dislike it. The things I do for the people I care about and love could end up hurting me in the long run, but I rarely think of things like that until it's too late. Why do I always feel like it is a good idea to give my whole heart, to open up and share? It's gotten me nothing but individuals who are unsure if they want to be with me. Is there something wrong with me? does anybody really know what they want? Yes, I realize that things change over the course of time. However, people can't always have the best of both worlds. I feel like I am never good enough, or like I am branded with some sort of unknown curse that makes people indecisive. I apologize, I'm rambling and venting. My head is fuzzy and uncomfortable. I don't know what to do about anything right now, a place to live, a computer that works, a car that doesn't freak out every few miles, a relationship that is...I don't even know what that is right now.

I am tired of being judged for who I am, what I do and how I live my life. I am tired of feeling like people aren't being fully honest for fear of hurting my feelings (I'm not made of glass, and if I was I'd be in pieces a very long time ago). I am tired of feeling like who I am is wrong. For the love of life I just want to be happy, I want to make people smile and laugh. I don't think it is too much to ask for when I ask to be fully loved, not left behind when people feel I am no good anymore and then picked up when they want me back again. I'm not a yo-yo. I'm not a toy. I can't do this, I can't type about this anymore. It's too much. I'm too flustered.     
,___,
{O.o} "Whhoo-Whhoo, What-what?"
/)__) Sincerely,
-"--"- Ashley Lynn

The Simple Small Stuff

My head is swimming with memories. Good ones, but it's simply flooded. I had a wonderful 4th of July. Spent it with some good friends, watching pretty fireworks and things blow up. A girl couldn't ask for more. My day so far has been slow, but good. I woke up rested and at peace for the most part. Things are hopefully changing for the better.

Plan for today; coffee with a friend and then calling someone about a car. Yep, a car. There is a list of things that need to be replaced soon that come with a heavy price tag. I love my car, but I fear she may not have much more in her. Same with my trusty ten year old laptop. When things fall apart, they tend to do it all at the same time.

Sometimes when I look around this world, it makes me smile...and I really appreciate those moments. They are to far and in-between. However, today is good. I woke up happy, the sun is shinning, the breeze graces us with soft hugs, people are enjoying conversations with others and I have my favorite iced coffee in hand. It really does come down to the simple small stuff in life.

,___,
{O.o} "Whhoo-Whhoo, What-what?"
/)__) Sincerely,
-"--"- Ashley Lynn

Is it Tuesday? Well, it was..I think.

You know, one of the strange things about having a few weeks off from school and work is that you begin to loose track of the days. It tends to get confusing. Yet, one of the nice things is how much you are able to get done. Talk about a kick in the butt of spring cleaning for me. I cleaned the entire house, did all my laundry (well, I have one more load left), vacuumed, scrubbed, swept, and so on. I was also able to get a ton of errands out of the way. And I still had time to relax, enjoy movies, video games, music, some tele shows, and fabulous company. It has been like a breath of fresh air.

I ran into some new music that I have been listening to rather enjoyably. First, let's set some things clear... I listen to all kinds of music, and no I am not the type to say that and then only listen to three genres. In fact, I tried this thing that turned out to be awesome and strange at the same time. I decided to play all my music. It's an epic playlist with many genres, lots of old, some new, and so on. Everyone should try it, it's quite the learning experience about oneself. But, back to the new stuff, if you are someone who enjoys Katie Herzig music, then you might also like Jillian Edwards, Mariah McManus, Fossil Collective, and Joy Williams (iTunes - EP albums One of Those Days & Songs From That). Music can touch a persons soul, music is what (at times) sets me free. From Classical to Rock and Roll to Alternitve to whatever floats your boat. In fact, you might just find that some of it is just poetry accompanied by instruments. =D


,___,
{O.o} "Whhoo-Whhoo, What-what?"
/)__) Sincerely,
-"--"- Ashley Lynn

Tea Time

Today was lovely, busy at times but still lovely. I took my brother to go get food for his lamb, got new license plate lights for my car, went to a book store I have been meaning to go to know for awhile, had mid-day tea and scones with a wonderful friend, visited another great friend and stepped into the past with mario brothers and was even able to get a few chores done. More then a few actually, swept the floors, dusted, spot mopped, cleaned the bathroom and I am now on my second load of laundry. Needless to say it was a very productive yet relaxing day.

I adore friends, friends are fabulous! Mine are charming, helpful, delightful, funny, amazing and much much more. I am very lucky to have such people in my life. I realize at times that we may loose touch for awhile or get caught up in our own lives, but what counts is that we still remain friends, in times of need and even not in times of need. It has been so very wonderful to spend time with my friends as of late and even make some new ones, also catch up with some who have been absent for sometime. Friendship can sometimes be what pulls me out of the darkest places. Thank you to all of my friends! Let us not forget who we are lucky enough to have in our lives and remember from time to time to take a moment and share a spot of tea and scones.

,___,
{O.o} "Whhoo-Whhoo, What-what?"
/)__) Sincerely,
-"--"- Ashley Lynn

Another Day Passes By

Not much to report on today. I went to my cousins son's first birthday for a bit, then hung out with a few friends, watched an old SNES game being played, had some pizza and breadsticks for dinner and hung out with my younger brother while watching the movies 21 Jump Street and Puss In Boots. Both of which were pretty awesome. I highly recommend them.

What a surprise, still no luck with the living situation. But I picked up a newer classifieds paper and I'll peruse that to see what I can find. Hope there is something soon. Have a few plans for tomorrow, (or rather today) but nothing too major. Most of it is house work and laundry, but I do have a tea/lunch-in to go to which should be fun.

I'm turning in, resting my tired soul for a bit and hope that I get some phone calls or emails tomorrow. Sleep well all.


,___,
{O.o} "Whhoo-Whhoo, What-what?"
/)__) Sincerely,
-"--"- Ashley Lynn